changes

When I began to edit my draft I started out with just fixing the grammar and punctuations. As I re-read the essay, however, I began to realize what my fellow class mates were talking about. I used the word “they” a lot and didn’t really talk about who or where I was quoting from. I tried to make those changes the best I could, and I used a few more quotes and facts from the third article, just like I did with the first two. I also tried to calm my critical nature down just a little bit. For example, when I used the phrase, “ because I for one never would have thought of any of that on my own!” I realized that it sounded very childish, and that was not what I was aiming for at all. I wanted to show people how repetitive the authors were being, that they treated their readers as somewhat stupid, not how I thought I knew it all. Towards the end I also attempted to show that the third article did its best to defend fathers’ roles as parents, but I could not get away from the fact that they still lacked the proper studies. I also took professor Yerks advice and tried to cite after my quotes exactly where they came from, or at least who said them. I appreciated the advice from the class and thought that it came in hand when I re-wrote my essay. Their advice on repetitive words and description of who was talking ended up being very helpful.